Vice

So I'm invited to the NZ vice christmas party.... And I don't know if I should to go or not. After spending so many years avoiding situations where I might feel uncool or out of place, this pops up. The Cool of indie cool. Maybe I'm scared I'll like it, maybe I'm still the weird kid. The party will be filled with all different likes of people, most I don't know, so I know I won't stick out. I won't be recognisable, not in that uber cool, well dress flock of extroverts. This may then be my perfect opportunity for me to dress up and meet some people, I'll just be a face in the crowd. If I can get over the crowd factor and try and have a sip of alcohol to let my legs lose I could do it. Come on say it with me now, "I can do it". Then what do you wear to such an event. It's the one time I am not going to look over dressed, no matter how excited I get. But still... FUCK. I promised to try and take every opportunity that came my way, to take advantage of the contacts I have, to finally make a name for myself, to be proud of who i am, proud enough to let the public judge. And why shouldn't I, why should I have to be so protective of what other people think of me, why is it my problem? I'm not a violent, abusive, harmful or vile person, so I shouldn't be locked up, not even in my own head. So I'll plan to go and hope to enjoy the experience, even if thats all it is, an experience...

Inspiration and Giggles

Ten-year-old tourist girl wearing pink Crocs: Smoking is bad for you!
Smoking queer: Crocs are for retarded kids who can't tie their own shoes.


Lou has said: "I know I'm dressed wrong if the businessman turns his head. But I like to think that after an hour of sitting next to me on the train, he'd look. I'd have grown on him."
Lou Dillon

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, too rare to die."
Hunter S. Thompson

Queer on cell: I know... I know! Gosh, that is sooo gay!
(bewildered elderly lady looks at him)
Queer to elderly lady (in shrieking voice): Oh my god, oh my god, the faggot said gay!

“Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who’ve ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.”

- Tyler Durden in Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk


Huge man to small child trying to participate in conversation: No, son, we're not talking about your school--we're talking about Bam! You trying to get all up in the Kool-Aid, but you don't even know the flavor.

Sometimes I wish I could be a total fuck up. Drugs, Sex and Rock and Roll. I know its not right to say but don't you see people on TV high, drunk, fucking, stumbling, wearing the best clothes and being oh so herion chic. I don't do drugs (hard) but I've read lots of books trying to feel the feeling. Of complete freedom. When your totally off your face, and your memory is blurred, when even your present day is blurred you have no responsibility. No one expects much from you. It may not be in a good way but you are free of pressure to behave. I'd like to have smudged make-up, tits popping out, ciggy in hand, drink spilt on my lap. I would speak in a soft voice, a sweet smelling red voice, I would move my lips slowly and pout as I talked. I would smoke, a lot. I'd leave butts behind with a ring of lip stick. I'd flick them, or stomp them with my shoe. I would smoke lady cigarettes and have a classy lighter. My handbag would have sequins and hold my life. People would dance with me, laugh with me and kiss with me. I would have a Darling, and a Sweetness, some Babies, I would always say them with my wine laced voiced that was just a bit too slow. My voice would deepen overnight. By the morning I would be a creature. Strewn across couches, drinking hard liquor in the morning. Maybe a coffee but the afternoon. But thats just to wash down the dust. I would snot the dust, the powder, I'd even have a pill or two. If you offer it I'll take it. This version would have straight hair, exstentions, wear lacey panties all the time, I'd either grow or buy some bosoms. If I had the money for the drugs I'd have the money for me. I'd be a high maintenance gal. Long nails and expensive perfume. My phone would go all the time, I'd curse like a Bitch. Your man is/was my man.

But I'd die lonely, young and with some horrible STD's.