My Obsession

Girls of the Playboy Mansion

They have a geriatric boyfriend, live in a adults Neverland, have money to waste, time to kill, parties to dress up for, a curfew, imagination and they always leave me wondering if they're really so......blonde.... But Bridget is the oldest, smartest, most genuine and the most attractive. Oh, she makes me giggle along.

Michael Jackson

The King of Pop. Who else could do so much. He started as a young black, all-singing, all-dancing, little kid. But became a presumably crazy, white old man, with financial and public appearance problems. In between he managed to change the world. Change music and dance. They keep saying Usher, Chr Chr Chr Chris Breezy are the new Michael, Pfffft! Michael even had Neverland. He is the King.

Reality Tv

I am an addict. Theres some I won't go near but I'm almost up for anything,
Survivor
Rock of Love
Biggest Loser
Extreme Makeover
America's Next Top Model
Project Runway
Top Chef
Hell's Kitchen
Flava of Love
The Simple Life
The Osbournes
Deadliest Catch
Average Joe
Ulitmate Fighter
Extreme Makeover, Home Edition
Pimp My Ride
Shot at Love
The Joe Schmo Shoe
Girls of The Playboy Mansion
Mythbusters
The 70s House
Trading Spouses
Brat Camp
The Amazing Race
and all their many seasons, I would have been into a lot more had I had Sky Tv or lived in America. I know they are not true reality, but that doesn't stop me watching them.

High School Musical

In a totally awkward way I love them! It is the new Grease. The dances were spot on. The clothes are conservative and cute. There is no kissing, till the very very end, which is adorable. Quadrupled by the fact that Zac and Vanessa are a real life couple. How sweet? I can't wait for them to through away the Disney act and start to do 20 year old things. Maybe Zac will launch himself the same way Daniel Radcliffe(Harry) did, by getting his clothes off.

Board Games

Mouse Trap, Operation, Guess Who?, Jenga (I'm slipping it in here), Game of Life,
Such wholesome, simple fun. And it's so easy to add a naughty twist.

Stretched Ears

I had thought about it heaps before, but always decided I needed to keep my holes so I could wear dangley earrings. But I got over that, cause I have a second hole and now my ears are on their way to bigger things. It's really fun watching them grow slowly. I can't wait to be able to put my finger through. He he.

Drugs

Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, Tales of Glamour and Excess, Heroin Diaries, Dirt. These books gave me chills. To live the life is not for me but I have a strange sense of respect for someone who does. To survive the obstacles that come with fame and addiction is truly amazing. Drugs have influence music in so many ways. If you look at any old rock star you can almost see the scratches the drugs caused, their skin hangs a different way and their eyes are not always there. But they made some wicked music! And I hope that the artist I listen to today have had some help from chemistry or horticulture.

Chuck Palahnick

Fight Club and Choke are the only books of his I've read (so far) but both have been incredible. His way of giving you just the right information to give you a dark light picture in your head. His characters are almost defined more by where they are then what they look like. Both his leading men had a scum of the Earth smell about them, but we're not expected to pity or feel sorry for them. And Marla is whatever you want you dream girl to be, in a creepy black haired, smoking, crazy bitch kinda way.

Katy Perry

Lets forget the drama of "I kissed a girl" and "Your so gay". Her romper suits are spectacular!!

Cruel Intentions

This movie has kept my dream of being an evil rich bitch alive for years now. The cast is so perfect, the soundtrack is touching and it has a No Please Say I Didn't Just See That kind of ending. It really sucked me in, the innocence in Cecil, Annette's know it all, Sebastian's boredom then confusion and Kathryn's reign then fall. I will continue to look for a necklace like hers, then I'll think about getting the cocaine problem....

Lindsay Lohan & Sam Ronson

I didn't really like her till she started to go lesbian/bi/un-labeled. They are my best dressed couple. I'm all for the legging, unfortunately I don't think I'll be able to afford Lindsay's.

Teen Movies

Boy meets Girl stories. Happy ever after crap. Oh how it tickles my toes.
A Walk to Remember
10 Things I hate About You
Ever After
Breakfast Club
Clueless
Election
But I'm a Cheerleader
Never Been Kissed
Can't Hardly Wait
Loser
Roadtrip
40 Day and 40 Nights
The New Guy
Mean Girls
Eurotrip
Napolean Dynamite
John Tucker Must Die
Superbad
Juno
Harold and Kumar
Scary Movie
O
The Virgin Suicides
Empire Records
Grease
Flashdance
Dirty Dancing
Footloose
Camp Rock
Another Cinderella Story
HMS
Crazy/Beautiful
The Notebook
Bend it Like Beckham
Harry Potter

I like it best when 20 something year olds play high school kids.

The L Word

It came out here in New Zealand only a year or so ago, and on a channel I didn't get reception too. So I never really thought about it. Till a little while ago. I have now seen up to the end of season 5 and I'm waiting patiently with everyone else to see the 6th and finale. I instantly feel for Shane like everyone else, but I think I relate more to Jenny, maybe because we are both crazy. The cast is hot and the characters fit the image.

Ellen Page

She's got the jeans and a t-shirt, maybe a jacket on top, add some lace up shoes, style down. Then you see her all made up and your like... WOW. Her movies are Ace also. She's such a casual and quirky gal.

Gym Class Heroes/Travie

Their music is foot tapping, tip of your toungue, stuck in your head, with a nice beat and cheeky. Travie's look is Fresh/Nerd/80s Hip Hop (I'm so glad Poppy is bringing it back with him). He has the ears, tattoos, hoodies, sneakers, glasses and glazed look. Trying to keep it real.

Documentaries

I've never really been into cartoons but I've always had a thing for documentaries. (Maybe my Reality TV obsession somehow came from that) . I have a thirst for information, and not necessarily useful or relevant information. I like to know about other people's lives, chainsaw singing Lyre birds and sometimes even religious cults.

Young Americans

I grew up a Dawson's Creek fan, but it lost me somewhere. I had contemplated watching it again when I came across a 'Dawson's Creek spin-off', enter Young Americans. How did it only have one season!!! It gave me a ear to ear smile. I have never seen such a hot couple as Jack and Hamilton. I didn't understand why, but they really hit the spot. I was in awe of their chemistry. This also introduced me to Katherine Moennig. I was already a fan of Ian Somerhalder, Boone, Lost.

Daytime Talk-Shows

Oprah, Dr Phil, Martha, Ellen. These are the only shows we get here but its usually enough. Dr Phil might have gone a bit too big for me, his guest seem to be their to get the make over and have a cry and he is trying to fit in as many one-liners as possible. Martha has her good moments, but when shes bad, shes real bad. This woman can get pretty awkward. The closest she gets to a real everyday life has to be the tacky little tasks to does on the show. Some guests are just too young, normal or even extreme for her to keep up with. She does well with house wifes, menopausal and plastic woman though. Oprah, well she has this game down. I could watch high lights for hours. When she gives away the cars, an idol gets surprised by Stevie Wonder and people get houses, appliances, books, food and advice thrown at them. Oh I would run and check under my seat straight away. Ellen is 50! Ellen and Justin Timberlake dress the same. They are so hip. And she has Portia De Rossi!! Her show is fun also. Her guest are young, fresh, hip stars that are really nervous and cute. Sweet.

Gossip Girl

Its like Cruel Intentions but a TV show!!Really?!Yeah!Chuck and Blair are my new Sebastian and Kathryn. Gossip Girl girls wear clothes I could not even dream of affording/wearing, but I am inspired by how they can jazz their school skirts and white blouses up in so many different ways. Chuck's clothes are the flyest of fly. His pastels and scarfs, and socks and shorts. Another attractive cast to boot.

Nick Hornby

About a Boy, High Fidelity. Both funny books, turned into funny movies. Who would have thought. Marcus is a complex/simple kid, I like how logical he is. Rob is in such a dream, it has an amazing soundtrack.

Britney Spears

Although I was at the prime age when she began I was never the hugest fan, till the break down. She has never known what the real life is like, she doesn't know what real people are. She thinks unicorns are an endangered spieces that lives in New Zealand. She is my hero. What Would Britney Do?WWBD?

Vice

So I'm invited to the NZ vice christmas party.... And I don't know if I should to go or not. After spending so many years avoiding situations where I might feel uncool or out of place, this pops up. The Cool of indie cool. Maybe I'm scared I'll like it, maybe I'm still the weird kid. The party will be filled with all different likes of people, most I don't know, so I know I won't stick out. I won't be recognisable, not in that uber cool, well dress flock of extroverts. This may then be my perfect opportunity for me to dress up and meet some people, I'll just be a face in the crowd. If I can get over the crowd factor and try and have a sip of alcohol to let my legs lose I could do it. Come on say it with me now, "I can do it". Then what do you wear to such an event. It's the one time I am not going to look over dressed, no matter how excited I get. But still... FUCK. I promised to try and take every opportunity that came my way, to take advantage of the contacts I have, to finally make a name for myself, to be proud of who i am, proud enough to let the public judge. And why shouldn't I, why should I have to be so protective of what other people think of me, why is it my problem? I'm not a violent, abusive, harmful or vile person, so I shouldn't be locked up, not even in my own head. So I'll plan to go and hope to enjoy the experience, even if thats all it is, an experience...

Inspiration and Giggles

Ten-year-old tourist girl wearing pink Crocs: Smoking is bad for you!
Smoking queer: Crocs are for retarded kids who can't tie their own shoes.


Lou has said: "I know I'm dressed wrong if the businessman turns his head. But I like to think that after an hour of sitting next to me on the train, he'd look. I'd have grown on him."
Lou Dillon

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, too rare to die."
Hunter S. Thompson

Queer on cell: I know... I know! Gosh, that is sooo gay!
(bewildered elderly lady looks at him)
Queer to elderly lady (in shrieking voice): Oh my god, oh my god, the faggot said gay!

“Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who’ve ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.”

- Tyler Durden in Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk


Huge man to small child trying to participate in conversation: No, son, we're not talking about your school--we're talking about Bam! You trying to get all up in the Kool-Aid, but you don't even know the flavor.

Sometimes I wish I could be a total fuck up. Drugs, Sex and Rock and Roll. I know its not right to say but don't you see people on TV high, drunk, fucking, stumbling, wearing the best clothes and being oh so herion chic. I don't do drugs (hard) but I've read lots of books trying to feel the feeling. Of complete freedom. When your totally off your face, and your memory is blurred, when even your present day is blurred you have no responsibility. No one expects much from you. It may not be in a good way but you are free of pressure to behave. I'd like to have smudged make-up, tits popping out, ciggy in hand, drink spilt on my lap. I would speak in a soft voice, a sweet smelling red voice, I would move my lips slowly and pout as I talked. I would smoke, a lot. I'd leave butts behind with a ring of lip stick. I'd flick them, or stomp them with my shoe. I would smoke lady cigarettes and have a classy lighter. My handbag would have sequins and hold my life. People would dance with me, laugh with me and kiss with me. I would have a Darling, and a Sweetness, some Babies, I would always say them with my wine laced voiced that was just a bit too slow. My voice would deepen overnight. By the morning I would be a creature. Strewn across couches, drinking hard liquor in the morning. Maybe a coffee but the afternoon. But thats just to wash down the dust. I would snot the dust, the powder, I'd even have a pill or two. If you offer it I'll take it. This version would have straight hair, exstentions, wear lacey panties all the time, I'd either grow or buy some bosoms. If I had the money for the drugs I'd have the money for me. I'd be a high maintenance gal. Long nails and expensive perfume. My phone would go all the time, I'd curse like a Bitch. Your man is/was my man.

But I'd die lonely, young and with some horrible STD's.

Don't expect too much

Never tell someone who is naturally slender that they look really skinny, that they should eat. Unless you know they have a problem. It is so insulting and so hard to hear it all the time. I'm sorry that the majority of the population has to watch their weight, but I am fortunate enough to be able to eat bakery pies and cream doughnuts when ever the fuck I want. I have no worry in my head that I will get fat, or close to it. I don't exercise, other than sex. And it's not like I'm always have jumping, grinding, riding, throwing, exhausting sex. But I don't feel too guilty. I'll do a squat ever so often, usually while I'm brushing my teeth but I'm not sweating over these things. I have to wonder if when people say I'm looking good or healthy that I'm looking a bit more pudgy. Fuck what am I meant to do?! Eat and eat till I hurt. Eat when I'm not hungry. Eat disgusting shit that feels like it sits and decomposes father than digests in your stomach. I'm sure people see it coming. It's not like you just wake up and your much too big. I have such a luxury. I am thankful that I can wear almost anything. It comes down to long thin legs in the end I think. I am completely flat chested, which stops me from wearing certain shirts, but hey I'm a bit of all right. I have a curvaceous lower half, my baby basket. And my skin is soft. Soft skin is one thing that every woman, lady, girl, female, or effeminate person should have. No matter how big, small, round, flat, anything, as long as your skin is soft and inviting to stroke it doesn't matter. And looking after the biggest organ on/in your body is an amazing feeling. It gives you time to look after yourself, and to touch yourself. That five minutes you spend, rubbing your legs, from shin to knee. I do both shins first to leave the best for last. Thighs. You have to rub in all the spots where your prone to stretching and all the lame things that come with aging. But those spots are the most sensitive. On your thigh just before it turns into your hip, slide over the rim of my basket and all down until I get my inner thigh. Its such a pleasure to be a female and to have such a soft and gently curving body. Not for my own personal sexual enjoyment in anyway but as comfort. I am so proud of my sensual body, but I don't see it as a reason to be soft and sensual to the World. I am a woman. I have breasts as small as they may be, I have a fruit (I'm am still thinking of an appropriate word for womans bits. hmm) and I certainly have the pieces needed to make a baby. All of my amazing soft parts, my bodily fluid, my moist and wet places, the smell which is only slight, all of these things are a big privledge for someone. What we are giving is the one thing you put work into every second of everyday. I keep my body beautiful for me, and sometime I like to share it with someone else. But it will always be mine. My feminine body. But I am not going to act like the woman someone wants me to be. I have never been the type to giggle and flirt and a slutty little slut face, I don't get my hair done, I like to watch video games, and I'll have a wrestle with you if your not too hard. I've always been the guys mate, that chick who just hangs out. I've always bitten my nails. Had trouble in skirts. Got scars on my knees. Said whatever the fuck I wanted, in the a very un lady like manner. I don't have trouble with guys talking bout girls, drinking, farting, spewing, and doing all their other rank shit. I feel like when I try and act like a lady I am either at work, when I am just starting and trying to fit into this 'Hello, I'm Deanna....' SHIT or I talking to someone and I'm scared, I'm anxious. When I feel weak and submissive. I am fucking strong and dominating!!!! I am now trying to speak in my normal amazing and clear and medium toned voice. I Deanna from now on will be conscious of how I am talking. Fuck, I'm sure most people would be telling me to starting thinking about what words come out of my mouth rather than how I say them. But thats me, I have a amazing way of talking so clearly and confidently, that I'm charming enough to get away with it.

Initial thoughts

would I be the big spoon or the little one? Am I the masculine one? It would be like being a virgin again. She would have to be delicate in some way; skinny or long hair, tidy nails or long socks, precious nipples or a button mole, a soft scent or supple skin.



I would happen in good lighting. Maybe dusk..Or an evening with a pink glow. Both fresh, clean and sweet smelling. Slightly moist and sticky from creams and oils. Maybe she would wear heels if she had the ankles. We would whisper when we talked. Even when it was loud, but we only hear each other. Her lips would move slowly when she talked. We would dress recognizsbly . We would rub each others bellys and backs every month. We could pick each others shampoo so we could spoon and enjoy the aroma. We would both wake close covered in clean salty sweat. It would taste so refreshing. Who will wear the pants? We would nap together and wake each other with tea..



We could drive then sleep in the car all snuggled up. I'd take her to the Coast and show them hose who. We would eat off one plate. Ant fit on one chair. Watch tv under a quilt. We would have code words and our own language. And always say goodnight. We would wear singlet and Y fronts to bed. And have white sheets. And light candles. And in incense, Maybe she would wear glasses? I could wear hats, would that make me the masculine one?

We would have turns wearing a mask. We could be mistaken for giggling whispering touching young best friends. But our age and maturity would make people rethink and conclude on lovers. We would be soft and cuddle and make love and be warm.


Together...